It's good to be me

MY blessing .

So yesterday i talked to an old friend i used to be pretty damn close with. We lost touch after i got pregnant and moved back home and stopped working . She had gone on to say that its a shame that i threw my life away and had a child and how being engaged with a baby has sealed up my life. It kind of pist me off because she knows where i've came from. Its not a shame whatsoever that im engaged and have a baby, its a damn miracle ha. I guess not to many people know a lot about my past except the few im close with. I battled a drug problem for over 5 years. Finally got clean when i found out i was pregnant and have been clean since. Its been 18 months and its the longest I've been clean since i was 15. I'm so proud of myself.. I really started to think i'd never stop. I got serious with my now fiance who i dated off and on since i was 15 and hes always stuck by my side through anything. I love that man more than words can describe. Getting pregnant straightened up my life. It wasnt a bad thing. I was so scared at first because I didnt know how i was gonna do it ha. but it became so easy as soon as he was born. Im so happy to be a mommy. Im excited to give the life to my son that my parents gave to my sisters and i. I had an amazing childhood growing up. My parents were super strict growing up with all daughters they had to be. I just decided to become a little rebel when i started working and got some freedom. I abused it and it got out of control. Im not ashamed of my past because its made me who i am today. A very super strong young woman. I've been down that path and I WILL NEVER go back down it. I thank god for my son and fiance jsut about every day because theyre people who keep me going and remind me why i changed my life. If it werent for them I really doubt Id still be here today .. it got that bad. So talking to my friend or i wouldnt even call her that anymore ha.. but talking to her and hearing her say that stuff just made me realize how pathetic she still is and how shes really not going anywhere with her life still stripping and still using. Its not a good thing whatsoever but she seems to think thats its a perfect life. Its actually a shame for her to be throwing away her life when there is so many amazing opportunities out there. I love my life and wouldn't change a thing about it except maybe adding another child to it lol which will hopefully happen sooner than later.  I love my little man and dont understand how anyone could call a child a shame. I think its good my lifes pretty sealed up. its safe and stable. i feel bad for hers not being ha. Its nice to know that everythings going to be ok.. so ill end this with saying its amazing to be me and im very thankful for having my child and my life being sealed up :]

Tonight.

Well tonight was a normal night.. Will came home and dinner was cooked. We played with the baby for awhile before we put him down and then Will showers and Carson goes to sleep. Afterwards since Will hasn't had any days off and works crazy hours he goes to bed shortly and I'll have some mommy time. Well tonight it was spent watching my recorded shows from the week and I watched Oprah on this family who had been in an accident and lost all three of their children in it. It was heart breaking.. I cried my eyes out... they were later on blessed with triplets same gender as their previous children. It made me realize that I'm so thankful for the little boy I have and I need to realize that the time just isn't right to add on right now. It was so amazing to me that these people could move on with their lives.. If I were to lose my family like that I honestly don't know what I would do.. They're my world and I couldn't be more in love with them.

New to this.

So this is my first time actually having a blog. It seems like a fun idea so I'm going to try it :] I love the little family I have <3 My son happens to be one of the most sweetest and funniest little guys around and is always keeping me on my toes. I get to stay home with him which i love. Im engaged to William. He works almost to much these days lol but his schedule will change soon. He's in the union out here. We've been trying for number two for awhile now.. and it just doesnt seem to want to happen. So I think I'm going to to be done with the trying and it's just going to happen when it wants to. Im done being hurt every month. I need to be thankful for the little family I have and have faith that one will be added sooner or later :]

Becoming parents.

Daddy&Baby

8 months.

Well when I found out i was pregnant it was quite a shocker lol. I was 18 and it was so unexpected. I wasnt at the time ready to become a mom. I was living my life as carefree teenager and enjoying every minute of it.When i got the positive reading i was scared lol. at the time my life was in no way shape or form baby ready.. I had a lot of growing up to do and ALOT of  life changing to do.. which i did with no problem surprisingly. It was the biggest blessing in disguise that had happened to me.I really believe that becoming pregnant saved me.I was heading down the wrong road in life and it was becoming bad.  I wouldn't change the timing that it had happened at whatsoever. I had an amazing man who stood beside me through it all and supported me. We found out it was a boy when i was 15 weeks pregnant because we paid for the 3d 4d gender test :] It was pretty crazy finding out i was having a boy because there hasnt been a boy in my family in almost 30 years. Needless to say everyone was BEYOND excited.   I had a pretty easy goin pregnancy till about 6 months. I developed placenta previa and was put on bed rest. I ended up getting a horrible kidney infection which landed me in the hospital for a week. and was released on more bed rest. I had chose to have a c section from the beginning so when i found out i had to have him by c section it was no big deal. I loved being pregnant every minute of the way though :] I had him at a week before my due date on december 23 2010 at 7:42 am. I had my mama in the room with me because i was kinda scared lol. The minute i heard him cry was amazing.. i started crying. When i seen him he was the most gorgeous tiny human being ive ever seen and couldnt believe that he was here. My c section recovery was so easy and it was not painful AT ALL. We got to go home on christmas day which was the best present ever <3 from that day on carson has changed me so much and all in good ways. He made me grow up and become a responsible mother :] Looking back at all now.. I wouldnt have changed a thing with the way things happened :] He brought me and my parents to have an amazing relationship again :] and hes brought me and william to become the best parents anyone could ever be :] we love you little man <3 

The beginning to the rest of our life.

How we met.

Well it was the summer of 05 and I was 15  and he was 18.. We had met through mutual friends online! We talked for awhile.. and he then asked me out on a date.. He came over and picked me up.. he met my parents and then we were off to buffalo wild wings to meet up with some of his friends.. I was super nervous through out the whole night. and I later found out so was he lol. After dinner we went through starbucks and I had him take me home because I didn't feel to good from dinner. After he dropped me off and walked me to my door I thought to myself that I was gonna spend the rest of my life with this boy. I guess he didnt think I was into him because I had him drop me off early lol. We ended up goin out on a couple dates after that and before I knew it we were officially together :] He asked me to his prom a couple weeks later and we had an absolute blast. He would leave me roses on my car in the morning before he went to school and I'd walk out to em every morning :] it was the cutest thing.. we lived a good 25 miles away from each other so for him to do that all the time was the cutest thing. We were always going out to dinners and movies :] But I loved when we would hang out at my house or his :] those were the best times <3 We've had some rough patches through the last years.. but we'd always end up back together . I've never met any other guy who does the things he does for me. He's always been there for me no matter what happend or what i had done.  He is one of the most amazing , most caring , and most loving man I've met. I love him more than i can ever put into words <3 We finally got engaged last year in may. I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else and I thank god everyday for putting him into my life :]